Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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