Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
