You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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