I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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