The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
