so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize