HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
