im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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