I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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