he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
