Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
