for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
