when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
