apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize