A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
