Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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