my mouth tastes like poor choices
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I touched a dick in church today
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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