Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
