my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
