after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Found your dick twin last night
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
