Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
