i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
