YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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