...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
