dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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