Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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