Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
