i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
