she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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