So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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