Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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