All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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