a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
it's great music for shaving your balls
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
