Don't you send me to vm
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
