Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
