i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
