Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
In America we eat man semen.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
