oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
