I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Boobs are out for the taking
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
