Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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