I accidentally burped into my bong.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize