ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
