So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
