Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
