Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
