Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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