how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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