her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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