All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
