If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
