i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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