you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
