Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My feet surprised me
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
