If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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