just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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