i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
