um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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