id be glad to
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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