I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
