Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
