are you so shy because you have an std?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Is it because I queefed?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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