PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
