They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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