so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Be still, my beating vagina.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
