how can u be prego again
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
