I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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