Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
