You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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