we have officially lost it.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
