Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
