Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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