Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
